Am I the only one who tried to befriend everyone in class but just couldn’t? Of course, it always crossed my mind that maybe this was my fault. Am I not sincere enough? Funny enough? Emo enough? Interesting enough?
You make the friends that last a lifetime. You make the friends that you think of fondly but don’t talk with much and then theres those you can’t really stomach at the thought of.
Its why we’ve holed ourselves up in our own world with few good friends and less expectations for others.
Well look at me ranting when this isn't about me right? In fact, it never was about me and this book shone a light on the people around me and what the world really revolves around.
The sun.
We are a cocktails of beings with behavioural differences influenced by:
- Internal factors (eg. personality, character, temperaments)
- External factors (e.g. environment and situational factors).
Our core values and attitudes affect how we behave and who we aspire to become.
- Our values define what we think is right or wrong (e.g. “Its wrong not to give this author credit with a few claps"(wink wink) or "Being kind is good").
- Our attitudes are the opinions that we develop from our life experiences (e.g. “Cats are selfish, heartbreaking, adorable things!!”).
Moreover, we never show up truly ourselves in every situation as we tend to moderate our behaviours (or wear masks) where necessary.
In any communication, what matters isn’t what you say but what the recipients hear and interpret based on their perceptions, biases and frames of reference.
To interact more effectively, you need to
1) understand your own tendencies
2) understand others’ needs/preferences
3) understand how others may perceive your actions, so you can tailor your approach accordingly.
Now on to...
The Four behaviour types : 4 colours, DISA, DISC
Erikson’s 4 colors are derived from the DISA model:
Red for Dominance
Yellow for Inspiration
Green for Stability
Blue for Analytic.
This is also similar to DISC except “C” is replaced by “A” for Analytic.
Understanding the 4 behavioural types:
To be clear we aren't going to compartmentalize people into one of these types. This model is used to help you understand why that guy was being such a **** at school.
Different situations also call for different behaviors. So, treat the behavior patterns as tools that you can use.
Furthermore, we are capable of adapting our behaviors instead of rigidly sticking to 1 set of behaviors.
Only 5% of people have 1 dominant color. The majority have >1 dominant color: 80% have 2 dominant colors and 15% have 3 dominant colors. No one seems to have all 4 dominant colors.
RED= DOMINANCE
They are ambitious, decisive and dynamic. They have the natural essence of leaders and work hard to get the job done no matter how challenging and are even competitive at heart.
However they may appear aggressive, impatient and domineering. If working with them, things don't go their way, be sure you'll hear about and might get axed in the process.
☆ Heres a how they are perceived in quotation:
“Why Does Everything Take So Long? Can’t You Speed Things Up a Bit?”
“I Am Not Screaming! I’m Not Angry! Aaarrrghhhh!”
“What Are You Doing over There? I Can See What You’re (Not) Doing!”
“I Try to Care About You, but It Would Help If You Were a Little More Interesting.”
“It Takes Strength to Be Alone, and I’m the Strongest of You All.”
Sound familiar? Have any reds in your life?
YELLOW= INSPIRATION
Always positive, creative and social. The social butterflies of our society with bubble of laughter and infectious positivity. They are considered the most sociable, talkative and expressive of the four.
Downside, they come off as impulsive, attention seeking and annoying. They're the "talk now think later" crew spewing ideas and opinions without much thought for consequences.
☆ Heres how they are percieved in quotation:
“Hello, Anyone There? Listen to What Happened to Me! You Want to Know, Right?”
“I Know It Looks Messy, but There’s a Method to the Madness!”
“Look, I Can Juggle All the Balls at the Same Time!”
“Me! Me!! Me!!!”
“You Never Told Me That, I Would Remember!”
Yes I can see you nod in agreement. We all have one.
GREEN=STABILITY
The calm, stable and loyal. You'll always find them in a calm, predictable environment patiently going about life. Theyre reliable and real team players but the spot light is never for them. Be sure that if theres a conflict happening somewhere, they wont be there.
On the flip side, they can be stubborn, indifferent or even dishonest. Everything needs to just as it is or they wont move forward. Challenges stress them out and so they always seem to be holding back. Always on the fence about things and if they don't like what they're hearing or whats happening you will never know.
☆ How they’re percieved but with less quotations: :)
Pigheadedness Will Never Be a Virtue
“Why Bother? Nothing Is Worth Caring About.”
What’s Thought in Secret Is Said in Secret
“I Know I Should Change This Immediately, but I’ll Just Think About It for a While.”
“I’ve Never Been So Upset, but for God’s Sake, Don’t Say Anything to Anyone.”
Yes they're frustrating but we love them nonetheless.
BLUE= ANALYTIC
They’re detail-oriented, analytical and perfectionists. They’ve got the neatest desk at the office and are critical and scrutinizing when it comes to making decisions. They don’t speak unnecessarily, preferring to quietly observe and analyze everything around them.
Otherwise, they are percieved as distant, pessimestic and fastidious. It can be slow and tedious to work with them. They can also appear cold and critical, always asking for evidence, and pointing out risks and problems.
☆ How they are percieved:
“Ninety-five Percent Right Is Actually 100 Percent Wrong.”
They Never Finish Anything. There’s Always More to Do.
“I Don’t Really Know You, So Keep Your Distance.”
“Better Safe Than Sorry. Think About it —Preferably Three Times.”
“The Only Thing I Can Trust Is Myself and My Own Eyes.”
We can count on them to do the overthinking.
To conclude here are a few takeaway quotes I’ve loved from the book Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson:
“The idiots who surround you are…not idiots at all. Instead, they are individuals worthy of respect, understanding, and being valued.”
“Communication happens on the listener’s terms…Everything you say to a person is filtered through his frames of reference, biases, and preconceived ideas.”
“Behavior patterns are like a toolbox. All types are needed.”
“No group should be composed solely of individuals of the same type. Diversity is the only possible route. The best way to put a group of people together is by mixing different types of people.”
“Some people become angry because of stress; others become stressed because of anger.”
“Communication is often a matter of adapting to others.”
So these are the 4 behavioural types from the book “Surrounded by idiots” by Thomas Erikson.
I recommend reading it as it gives more insight on how to communicate effectively with each type or I could make a second sequel for the summary, who knows ;)
If I gave even the slightest more knowledge to your collection be sure to follow me for more!
