“Until you realize how easily it is for your mind to be manipulated, you remain the puppet of someone else’s game."
~ Evita Ochel
I think we all have an idea of manipulation and a few signs we might be able to recognize. We've watched the movies and we've read the books but let me tell you, once I started reading this book out of interest and future reference, I realized this already exists in my life. This is the very definition of covert manipulation and now I've got sh*t to figure out but let me write this first.
Lets dive straight into these manipulation tactics:
30 Covert Manipulation Tactics
1) Intermittent Reinforcement
A manipulator giving his victim positive reinforcement- attention, praise, adoration, deceleration of love- only on random occassions.
2) Negative Reinforcement
The manipulator stops doing something you don’t like when you start doing something he or she does like. This makes it more likely that you will do what they like in the future.
3) Backing Into an Emotional Corner
You're unstable! You have a problem with anger! You're crazy!
Distraction from the issue at hand by creating a confusing and emotional scene
4) Shifting The Focus
Same as being backed into an emotional corner but here its if you confront the manipulator in a matter-of-fact way. You confront with proof not suspicion yet the conversation shifts elsewhere? Red flag.
5) Premature Disclosure
Early disclosure of ones vulnerability in a relationship can be used to gain your trust to allow you to disclose yours as well. This moves them up their hidden agenda.
6) Triangulation
Just know, if there is a 3rd person involved in the relationship being used to diminish your confidence and security, then I suggest you dig their grave... I mean deal with this maturely and leave.
7) Blaming the victim
Being responsible for the problems of the relationship.
8) Indirect Insults and Abuse
"You look good in that dress since it gives you a slimmer waist."
"You'd be less boring as a dance partner if you took lessons."
9) Insinuating Comments or Compliments
An underhanded compliment leaving you think what they really meant by what they said.
"You know what? You'd make a lot of money as a prostitute."
Compliment or not? When you start to doubt that its a sign.
10) Guilt
11) Shame
According to clinical psychologist Gershen Kaufman, "Shame is the most disturbing experience individuals ever have about themselves; no other emotion feels more deeply disturbing because in the moment of shame the self feels wounded from within."
Its quite a powerful tool for manipulators and can cause serious psychological harm.
12) Empty Words
"Actions speak louder than words."
Lets always remember that.
13) Crazymaking
14) Gaslighting
15) Minimizing
16) The silent treatment
Steve Becker, LCSW writes, “The silencer's aim is, above all, to silence communication. More specifically, it is to render the other invisible and, in so doing, induce feelings of powerlessness and shame.”
17) Lying
18) Invalidation
19) Charm
Lacks emotion or genuinity and you know theres nothing to come of their smooth talk.
20) Intentional forgetting
21) Brandishing Anger, or "Traumatic One-Trial Learning"
The manipulator will put on an act of intense anger for the purpose of shocking you into submission. You'll be less likely to confrong them again.
22) Scapegoating
Many of the manipulation tactics listed here include an element of victim blaming, but scapegoating goes beyond that. People who are made into scapegoats feel deep and persistent shame and develop a victim mentality.
23) Belittling
24) Putting You On the Defensive
25) Creating Fear
26) The Pity Play
“I am sure that if the devil existed, he would want us to feel very sorry for him.”
~ Martha Stout
Bring your sympathy to the surface by victimizing themselves
27) Rationalization
The manipulator creates reasons for their bad behavior that sound logical and rational, in order to make their actions more understandable, acceptable or appropriate.
"Every man watches porn! it's not just me."
"What I did wasn't illegal; if it were there would be a law against it, right?"
"I'm sorry I hit you. I just lost my mind for a minute because you pushed so many of my buttons."
28) Flattery
Remember Flattery will get you no where? Lets take that to heart.
There are subtle forms of flattery like, being asked for your advice. It conveys the idea that the manipulator respects and admires your opinions, knowledge or skill
Or
"I don't want to embarrass you, but..." or "I know you won't want me to say this, but..."
Or
The flatterer disagrees with your point of view at first, and then come around to agreeing with you. This technique will make you feel smart, persuasive and listened to.
Or
Complimenting you to people you know when you're not present and expecting they'll pass the compliment on to you is an effective disguise.
29) Love Bombing
Non-stop positive reinforcement that includes compliments, praise and appreciation; declarations of once-in-a-lifetime love; spending as much time as possible with them; frequent calls, texts and emails; gift-giving; fantastic lovemaking; and engaging in many fun and romantic activities.
Being extremely over.
A clue that you're being manipulated with love bombing is the rapid pace set by the manipulator. It leaves you without time to come up for air and think clearly and carefully about who this person really is and what their motivations are.
30) Trance and Hypnosis
Putting a victim under a trance or hypnosis to lower our psychological defenses and leave us vulnerable to suggestion.
What could put us under a trance? Element of movement, vision, sound, thoughts or touch. Flickering candlelight, dance, sex, massage, video games, long drives, meditation, music and the sound of someone's voice are all capable of inducing trance.
Now we see the signs but exactly what should be done? Its what we've always had but tend to forget. Our basic human rights.
I suggest these be the mantras we say to ourselves in the mirror every morning and believe me, you'll know when you've landed the right people for you.
Basic Human Rights
■ I have the right to have my needs and feelings be as important as anyone else’s.
■ I have the right to experience and express my feelings, if I choose to do so.
■ I have the right to not be responsible for the feelings of another.
■ I have the right to express my opinions, if I choose to do so.
■ I have the right to set my own priorities.
■ I have the right to establish independence if I choose to.
■ I have the right to decide how I spend my time.
■ I have the right to choose my own lifestyle.
■ I have the right to change my lifestyle, myself, my behaviors, my values, my life situation, and my mind.
■ I have the right to make honest mistakes and to admit those mistakes without feeling humiliated.
■ I have the right to self-fulfillment through my own talents and interests.
■ I have the right to grow as a person and to accept new challenges.
■ I have the right to choose who I spend my time with and who I share my body with.
■ I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect in all my relationships.
■ I have the right to be listened to respectfully.
■ I have the right to ask for what I want assertively.
■ I have the right to say “I don’t understand” or “I don’t know” without being humiliated.
■ I have the right to say “No,” and to set limits and boundaries without feeling guilty.
■ I have the right to set limits on how I will be treated in relationships.
■ I have the right to expect my boundaries to be respected.
■ I have the right to walk away from toxic or abusive relationships.
■ I have the right to have these basic human rights and to stand up for them.
Its a clichè at its finest but ill say it anyway, "You always deserve better."
So never settle for less than that.
If I added even just a little more to your world of knowledge follow me for more❤
